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Kay I feel abit better after writing it out but now I really need to lie down for a while, maybe try to think of concepts to draw.

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It’s one of those days again when I feel absolutely worthless and question my life choices. There are so many things that I want to do, but I feel that I’ll never grasp the things needed for them to come true. Doubting myself in every kind of way, that the skills that I have attained will never be of any use or that I’m simply not good enough.

Even if I try to clear my mind by doing other things and tell myself that it will work out in the end, it somehow makes me even more doubtful. I’m really tired of feeling this way, especially when it has been this prominent for the last 4 months. But I have no idea how to change it which in turn stresses me even more.

I don’t even know if the things I’m trying to do to make myself happier will have any effect. Everything just feels worthless to do, to wake up in the morning, taking walks, draw, talk, eat or do anything. I know that they aren’t, and that I really shouldn’t complain over my life that has been mostly going smoothly for the last 20 years. It just feels like I’m stuck in this deep well and can’t get up.

I have been trying to put this into words for so long but really I suck at writing down or saying clearly how I feel.

From sketch to finished painting

I have been working on this painting for a while and now I'm finally finished. so here are basically the progress that I have been uploading on twitter while making it ;W:

Awakening

Like Namjoon dropped this MV earlier today and holy shit this makes me even more excited for the mixtape. When I heard it for the first time I was like silent and then shouted YEAHH slay them~
Really though even if the song itself is pretty short it really left an impression, atleast on me.

Titles

I'm home alone, blasting music in my room and drawing. Recently I have begun listening to korean hip hop alot more and there are some idol groups that have incredible rappers, so I thought that I would share some of them today. They usually get alot of shit from critics about how they are not real to hip hop or in similar ways but I think in their solo projects they really show off their abilities.

I'm sitting here waiting for Namjoon's (RM) mixtape to come out hopefully it will be amazing. (silently waits for Yoongi to release his mixtape aswell)

 Should I do recommendations like this often.. hmm maybe.

Sing along with me

I have been feeling abit down today, not really knowing what to do with myself and hiding under blankets. So I have been trying to listen to music that is chill to get out of it.

Look at them krokusar

My driving lesson was cancelled today so I decided to go out for a walk instead since the weather was really nice and everything. Sunny days make me happy after so many gray and dark winter months. Too bad that I’ll soon end up sniffling and stuff because of my allergies, as for someone who loves spring it’s kind of a setback. 

I'm also trying to lose weight is hard but slowly removing a few kilos a month I guess that’s good enough.  To kinda motivate myself I dress nicely and/or wear make-up to boost my self-confidence for my own sake.